Lifestyle…. does it give you life, or is it just style?

Whilst being overseas in Bali, I did some reflecting, some small steps of work on myself and something that came to me is “Lifestyle” But more importantly I asked myself

What is lifestyle to me?

Honest answer, I don’t know. Honestly I have been so hyper focused on getting my dream car, having lavish holidays, getting the designer trainers, bags, fragrances, that I feel ultimately that this had become my identity. “If I have x I am x” Sad isn’t it?

Sad that I now realise this, but sad that I held so much weight on material things. People would say this to me my entire life, and I would brush it if, ignore, respond with “why is wanting nice things so bad”. And why is wanted nice things so bad? well, it isn’t but I seem to have caught myself living a life, getting to a point where I’ve always wanted to be. Now though, I am like “fuck, what’s the point”

I work 15/18 hours a day (I’m currently on a work training call which started at 7pm and won’t finish until 10pm), my anxiety and stress levels are through the roof, and for what? for the 5 figure cash injection into my account, that means I can go get fucked up, drink myself sometimes into oblivion, put more coke up my nose that anyone really needs too (not regularly but still) put expensive fuel to put into my expensive car? Seriously what is the point?

I am OVER ITTTTT. Literally…. I am so done. I am tired. I can’t tell you how many days I have cried with stress on the way home from work, had to deal with people who cannot do their jobs and I end up doing it for them because the work culture allows mistakes to a point nobody takes accountability.

Going to Bali made me realise that even though they don’t have it all, to us, to them they have everything. I can almost guarantee most of them are happy with their life! Have you ever met a rude, obnoxious unhappy Indonesian person? I haven’t. Have I met a rude, obnoxious, unhappy person living in Australia, absolutely. I am one of them haha. But jokes aside, yes there is a lot of us.

We all work and flog ourselves so hard.

Are you not tired?

Are you not questioning “What the fuck am I doing?”

Or is this just me?

This is why I am so focussed on making so many positive changes

Update;

1. I am 10 out of 90 days of no vaping
2. I am 17 out of 90 days of no recreational drugs
3. I am 10 out of 90 days of no alcohol
4. Meal Prep and Gym is back
5. Today I cycled 5kms with my dog

Does anyone else feel that we all work hard and for what, or is it just me?